Music is one of man’s greatest inventions of all time. A really good song can set the mood for any occasion, or create a lasting memory. That certainly is the case for me. I can vividly recall details of a special moment, or a time in my life, just by hearing the opening bars of certain songs.

Great inventions come about through tireless efforts, and often times failure. Music is no different. As many great songs as have been recorded, there is at least as many songs that are so bad that they never should have been written, let alone recorded for posterity.

Thus was the topic of conversation between me and my wife recently while relaxing during some time off work. This might be controversial, and I realize that it is solely our opinion, but we started developing a list of the five worst songs of all time.

The toughest part of creating such a list was actually limiting it to only five songs. After all, music has been around since the cavemen and a lot of bad tracks have been laid down over the years.

In a previous career, I was a DJ at several radio stations and it was my privilege to serve up many of these delightfully terrible songs. I made it through the “Achy Breaky Heart” era and lived to tell about it.

Bad music tends to stick with me better than good music. For instance, my son’s developed a taste for Radio Disney, a channel specifically designed for younger, more innocent ears. They play some current artists, but ones that tend to be a little more wholesome. I’ve grown to dislike groups like the Jonas Brothers and their song “The Year 3000,” yet I know every single word.

The same is true with my nominations for the five worst songs of all time. The songs I hate are all songs that I can easily sing along with when the radio plays them. Perhaps I could solve one of the great problems of the world, maybe all of them if only I didn’t have a countless number of bad song lyrics cluttering up my brain cells.

So here we go with the purely unofficial and unscientific nominations for the five worst songs of all time:

n “Afternoon Delight” by the Starland Vocal Band

n “Seasons In The Sun” by Terry Jacks

n “Feelings” by Morris Albert

n “Teen Angel” by Mark Dinning

n “Last Kiss” by J. Frank and The Cavaliers

Two songs are teen tragedy songs from the 1960s. For years, I always got “Teen Angel” and “Last Kiss” mixed up. After all, aren’t they basically the same song? “Seasons In The Sun” is also a classic tragedy song, done in pure 1970s style. “Feelings” by Morris Albert may, in fact, be the biggest downer song of all time. The flip side of that would be “Afternoon Delight” from the one hit wonder Starland Vocal Band; at least I assume they were a one hit wonder. They are so sappy and so happy that merely listening to it will increase your blood sugar by 20 points.

That is my list. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which the worst song in your mind is. For me, it is a five way tie. In my mind, this list represents the very worst of the worst. And sadly yes, I know them all by heart.



Watch for Pete VanBaalen Saturdays in the Rushville Republican. Add a comment at www.rushvillerepublican.com.