If it smells like a politician, it might be one

Rick Dawson

(As we get ready for all those Presidents Day parties next week, here’s one from the archive I hope will make you chuckle.)

My kids will point out: Hey, Dad look, there’s a dead skunk in the middle of the road.

I think I’ve told you in February columns past that the reason so many skunks are getting killed this time of year is because it’s mating season. They’re on the prowl and we’re taught not to swerve.

We will hold our noses though.

Pepe LePew is the patron saint of skunks but if he’s not careful he’s going to be part of the double yellow line on State Road 3. I promised myself I wouldn’t write another February column on mating skunks. So I guess I’ll just have to transition to something else.

Politicians. That’s not really much of a stretch is it?

Specifically, the column is going to be about presidents.

Sure, Monday is Presidents’ Day. But I think we should celebrate it every day. Therefore I’m allowing all of you who’re reading these words on to call your boss and tell him or her you’re stretching the holiday out for another day. I’ll vouch for you. Until you get the pink slip.

I’m a trivia freak, so it makes sense that I need to share with you some of the useless information about our chief executives for you to share with some of your friends and neighbors. Consider these icebreakers you can use at the next dinner party.

I gather these facts from various sources; most of which I trust. But this is trivia. Don’t hold me accountable.

Smallest President: James Madison: Five feet four inches tall and 100 pounds soaking wet. But the dude could drive the lane and draw plenty of fouls late in the game. He was better than Steve Alford from the free throw line.

Biggest President: Bill Clinton flirted with this for a while during his fast food tour but the official record is held by William Howard Taft. Taft tipped the scales at 300 pounds and was famous for getting stuck in his bathtub. Still, he held the NFL records for sacks in the pre-steroids era.

Indiana’s own Benjamin Harrison was the first President to attend a baseball game on June 6, 1892. He watched the Cincinnati Reds beat the Washington Senators. Despite Cincinnati’s win, he was rumored to have whispered to his companions that the Reds didn’t have much pitching. Few have disputed this since.

Speaking of baseball, Mr. Taft (having been extracted from his tub using a giant federal bailout crane) was the first to throw out the first pitch of a baseball season in 1910. Apparently every president since then except Jimmy Carter has done the same thing. Carter, a huge Braves fan, couldn’t drag himself back to Atlanta during his four years. Oddly enough, the only baseball game I’ve ever attended when a President was actually there was in Atlanta with former President Carter and his wife about 10 rows in front of us. It was Free Peanuts Night.

John Quincy Adams was known to take regular nude swims in the Potomac. I once had a dog named Quincy who swam nude all the time. If I’d actually put a swimsuit on a dog I’d probably be in therapy and would not be here to write this column for you today. Lucky you, huh?

We all know of the presidents who were assassinated in office, but there are others who died for other reasons.

William Henry Harrison died a month after delivering his two hour long inauguration speech in the snow, without a hat, or gloves. His mom must not have been there to send him out in the weather that morning.

Zachary Taylor died of an inflamed stomach and intestines just 16 months after taking office. (His body was exhumed within the past 20 years to see if he might have been poisoned. No determination could be made.)

Warren Harding died suddenly and his wife was rumored to have been involved in possibly poisoning him. No proof was ever provided but Mrs. Harding did provide a lame defense on ABC’s The View the following week.

This gets us back to the first few paragraphs. Despite the urge, don’t aim for the skunks. It’ll take weeks to get that politician smell out of your car.



Rick Dawson is a Rush County resident, a reporter for WISH-TV Channel 8 and a regular columnist for the Rushville Republican. You can reach him at rdawson@wishtv.com or rdawson@lightbound.com. Add a comment at www.rushvillerepublican.com.

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