Don Stuart
This is one of those columns that needs no introduction, and I’m happy to provide it. It’s all well and good that a couple weeks ago I shined the multi-gigawatt publicity spotlight that only my column can shine onto some colorfully named plucky scholar athletes from small colleges participating in post-season football games.
But how boring (or for those who hate college football bowl games, how much MORE boring) would the bowl season be if I didn’t call your attention to interesting monikers belonging to players from the big football factories, players who will in just a year or two cause me incalculable agony as they fail to produce enough fantasy football points for me to beat No. 4 son (age 12)?
Remember Heisman trophy winning running back Bo Jackson? Well this Ohio University quarterback is just like Bo, but provides more “o” – Boo Jackson.
Every year, I promise my friends more of this Arizona wide receiver’s name: Will Wright.
A lot of so-called football experts were surprised that Southern Methodist University was in the bowl game chase, but I knew the would be with players like linebacker Chase Kennemer, wide receiver Chayse Joubert, kicker Chase Wood, defensive back Chase Courtney, and offensive lineman Jimmy Chase.
SMU also has a trio of players who demonstrate a sort of “Variations on a Theme” thing: wide receiver Marcus Holyfield; defensive linemen Margus Hunt; and defensive lineman Marquis Frazier.
For those of you up on your pop music trivia, does the name of SMU lineman Mickey Dollens make you think of the drummer of a hyper-popular group of the late 1960s? The answer is “Why yes, Don, it makes me think of The Monkees’ MickeyDolenz!”
Gotta root for these guys (even if most of them could use a spelling lesson): North Carolina’s Josh Stewart and Trevor Stuart, Stanford’s Jeremy Stewart, Houston’s Andrew Stewart, Northwestern’s Sidney Stewart, South Carolina’s Darien Stewart, Penn State’s Jonathan Stewart, and South Carolina’s Jarvis Giles (Giles is my Mom’s maiden name.)
Would Arizona’s punter be particularly good at making announcements in the town square? He’s a Keenyn Crier.
Touchdown-catches by this Virginia Tech tight end always elicit shouts of “TGIF” – Steven Friday.
I don’t know about you, but I’d nickname UCLA offensive lineman Greg Capella “Ah.”
I don’t believe any player in all of college football could be any bluer than Navy’s Max Blue.
I hear that one of the sweetest members of the Houston Cougars football team is defensive back Jacky Candy.
This isn’t such an interesting name – John Howell of Navy – but according to the team roster posted on USA Today’s Web site, he’s 5’ 18” tall.
Another variation on a theme thing: UCLA offensive lineman Xavier Su’a-Filo; University of Missouri defensive back Zavier Gooden, Minnesota wide receiver Xzavion Brandon
The University of Missouri seems to have an unusual number of players with two first names: tight end Andy Loyd, receiver Terry Dennis, punter Jake Harry, receiver T.J. Moe, safety Del Howard, linebacker Michael Sam, and offensive lineman Travis Ruth. Oh, and I almost forgot, lineman Austin Wuebbels.
When the Navy Midshipmen get linemen Dallas Butts and Jared Marks in on the same play, they leave Butts-Marks on the opponent.
Names behind which there must be a story:
u Minnesota running back Shady Salamon;
u Houston defensive lineman Radermon Scypion;
u South Carolina linebacker Darantzy Brunson.
u Mississippi defensive back Lekenwic Haynes;
u Texas Tech linebacker Bonner Morren;
u and his teammate, lineman Pearlie Graves.
The Northern Illinois Huskies have a kicker named Ryan Salerno, and maybe I’m showing my age, but his last name brings to mind a butter cookie (and a certain jingle – do you know it? “Mommy/What is it dear?/Can I have a Salerno butter cookie?”)
If Raymond Cotton of the Mississippi Rebels ever met up mano-a-mano with Cotton Turner of the Houston Cougars, I guess you’d have a play that’s 100 percent Cotton.
These names might make you think you’re seeing double seeing double:
u Minnesota Golden Gopher Johnny Johnson;
u Mississippi Rebel Pat Patterson;
u and his teammate Ben Benedetto;
Some players love to be in the spotlight all the time; you know, the “me me!” types. But that’s never a problem with University of Minnesota linebacker Logan U’u.
And with that, I bring this column to a close, and extend wishes for a very Happy New Year to U’u.
TakeFiveT5@yahoo.com.
