I hope you’ll take a few moments from preparing to celebrate National Farrier’s Week (July 8 to 14) to read this column, wherein I share my depth of knowledge about the important work of farriers.

Well, thanks for reading, and see you next week.

Wait, come back, I was just kidding. I’ve gotta write 750 words about something, or the Republican won’t pay me the exorbitant salary that enables me to work only two other jobs. So here’s some genuine hard-earned knowledge about farriers, which I’ve gained over the last 11 minutes.

Firstly, farriers, as everyone knows, earn their keep by shoeing horses. Secondly, no matter how time-honored and historical the term “farrier” is, the people who make a living farriering really oughta consider calling themselves something else.

For one thing, “farrier” drives my computer’s Spellcheck insane. It chastises me severely to replace farrier with “furrier,” “ferrier,” or “Miguel Ferrer.”*

*Note to my parents: Ferrer’s an actor, the son of Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney.**

**Note to hip young readers: You wouldn’t guess it from the complete lack of resemblance, but Miguel Ferrer is George Clooney’s cousin; while George is so handsome he’s often mistaken for me, Miguel could fairly be described as horse-faced.

Another reason to jettison the term “farrier” is that today’s hip young persons haven’t got a clue that it involves horses and their hooves. For example, I asked my kids what they think a farrier is. Their responses:

No 5 son, age 6: “Someone who catches fairies.”

No. 4 son, age 10: “Someone who drives a ferry boat.”

No. 3 son, age 12: “I CAN’T HEAR YOU! MY iPOD IS TOO LOUD!”

Of course, you avid horsemen, horsewomen and horsechildren out there are wondering if this column will ever get the least bit interesting, since you already know the importance of a good farrier. In fact, you’ve probably already downloaded the free certificate of appreciation (www.americanfarriers.com/ff/certif) from thehorse.com Web site, and have it completed and ready to give to your farrier sometime during National Farrier’s Week.

You should especially take care to honor your farrier if he or she has to put up with your nervous or ill-behaved animals. I gotta tell ya, the thought of being punted by a skittish pony makes me wonder how anyone could pursue a career in farriery (take a chill pill, Spellcheck; “farriery” is an actual word).

But working farriers know the best way to avoid taking a hoof to the cranium: Carry a lucky horseshoe.

I suppose everyone’s familiar with the notion of a horseshoe as a good luck charm. But did you know there are rigid rules regarding horseshoe superstitions? For example, it’s critical that the horseshoe be positioned in just the right way. The problem is, there are multiple “right ways.”

In some cultures, the horseshoe ends must point down, thus enabling the shoe’s luck to pour onto you. Other traditions insist that the horseshoe ends point upward; this keeps the luck “inside” the horseshoe, rather than trickling into places where your undeserving neighbors might find it.

Finally, in some belief systems, the ends can point any which way, as long as (1) the horseshoe was actually used, presumably by an actual horse, (2) can be easily touched for the luck, and (3) was found, not bought from some addled soothsayer on eBay.

What seriously concerns me is that there’s no tradition that recommends keeping a genuinely used and genuinely found horseshoe under the driver’s seat of a mini-van. That’s where my lucky horseshoe resides.

I stumbled upon this shoe on Michigan’s Mackinac Island, where my keen eye spied it laying in my No. 2 son’s hands. Okay, so maybe he technically “found” it, but he was only 4 years old at the time, and 4 year olds don’t need extra dollops of luck the way their hard-working, long-suffering fathers do. That’s why it’s my lucky horseshoe.

Anyway, for about 17 years now, my lucky Mackinac Island horseshoe has rested a half-cubit below my tuckus in a series of mini-vans. But now I’m left wondering: Since I’ve never followed any of the proper horseshoe display procedures, does it still have any good juju left? Say, if you know a professional farrier, would you mind asking him or her for me?

I personally think the darn thing should still contain great gobs of luck. If not, it would be downright unfairier.

uuu

TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.



Watch for Don Stuart Mondays in the Rushville Republican. Add a comment at www.rushvillerepublican.com.