Voiles: Diagnosis explains a lot, maybe

Jan Voiles

Once again, dear readers, these e-mails are so-o-o funny I just have to share them with you. This first one came from “Grandma Sherry” up Kokomo way.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests – I decided to water my garden. As I turn on the hose on the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs a washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice some mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I might as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find a can of soda I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The soda is getting warm, so I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye – they need water. I put the soda on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day – the garden isn’t watered, the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of soda sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Don't laugh – if this isn't you yet, your day is coming – soon.

Not sure where this one originated, but it is amusing, sort of, although perhaps too true. Thirty years can be a long time or go super fast – it’s a matter of perspective.

1977 – Long hair; 2007 – Longing for hair

1977 – KEG; 2007 – EKG

1977 – Acid rock; 2007 – Acid reflux

1977 – Moving to California because it's cool; 2007 – Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1977 – Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor; 2007 – Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1977 – Seeds and stems; 2007 – Roughage

1977 – Hoping for a BMW; 2007 – Hoping for a BM

1977 – Going to a new, hip joint; 2007 – Receiving a new hip joint

1977 – Rolling Stones; 2007 – Kidney stones

1977 – Screw the system; 2007 – Upgrade the system

1977 – Disco; 2007 – Costco

1977 – Parents begging you to get your hair cut; 2007 – Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1977 – Passing the drivers' test; 2007 – Passing the vision test

1977 – Whatever; 2007 – Depends

Don’t let any of this depress you, dear readers; look in the mirror, smile and say: “I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed, to be disappointed!”

Before I forget, happy leapin’ “15th” birthday JWM - by the way, four times 15 is 60, lil’ brother.

Rejoice.



Jan Voiles can be contacted at jan.voiles@rushvillerepublican.com or at (765) 932-2222 ext. 107. Add a comment to this story at www.rushvillerepublican.com.

Text Only