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October 2, 2008

Dick Wolfsie The Rushville Republican Thu Oct 02, 2008, 09:48 AM EDT

In order to get from right-wing Fox News to left-wing MSNBC, I have click past this program hosted by Howie Mandel, whose career path detoured to game show host when his audition for the remake of The King and I went horribly bad.

Going from Bill 0’Reilly to Howie is an odd transition. The one guy has no talent, blathers for an hour and accomplishes nothing worthwhile. And the other guy’s name is _________ (Fill in a name. Make your own joke here.)

For the uninitiated, Deal or No Deal is a program where contestants have an option to take the money they have already accumulated and go home to pay off all their debts, replace their 25-year-old Ford Pinto, and send their kids to a nice junior college — or risk it all to win the jackpot.

I love watching the 26 drop-dead gorgeous, leggy women who do nothing but stand there and open these numbered briefcases representing various amounts of money. I’m not sure how these ladies audition for the job, but you have to think that poor Vanna White is somewhere watching this show and wondering how she got stuck with a gig where you not only have to move around in a clingy dress but are required to know the entire alphabet as well.

If Deal ever has a shortage of contestants, I know where the producers can find people who are greedy, lack basic common sense and are happy to take an unwise gamble. They could call it: Deal or No Deal, The Wall Street Edition.

When some poor soul risks all his money and then loses it, I want to get in my car, drive all the way to Quail Creek, Ark., walk up to the guy’s trailer and slap him silly. I mean, how stupid can you be?

“Howie,” he’ll probably say on the show, “I didn’t come all the way here with my entire family in a Greyhound bus, just to walk away with a lousy $750,000. NO DEAL.”

At the proclamation NO DEAL, the entire audience explodes, applauding and cheering this inane decision. If you have children at home, do not let them near the TV when this is on. I would rather have my son play a violent video game where people are decapitated than expose him to actual people who are functioning without a head.

Prior to the show, the audience is apparently given some fun medications. When a player picks a case to open, let’s say number 25, the crowd goes wild, acknowledging this insightful decision. But absolutely no skill or thought is required here. It would be like the entire Lucas Oil Stadium erupting in applause right before the coin toss. “Heads! Great choice, Peyton, you’re a genius!”

The contestants also drag along loved ones from their hometown. These folks could care less that their friend Sheila has no job and has been wearing the same dress for two months. They encourage Sheila to say NO DEAL with the hope that if their buddy wins big, they can score a free meal at Cracker Barrel when they get back home.

The other day I saw that there’s a Deal or No Deal Web site where you can play the game online. I tried it, but it lacked a certain something. That would be: 26 gorgeous women and my 10 dumbest friends.

Add a comment at www.rushvillerepublican.com.

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