Stuart: Time for a Choc Talk

Columns

Discussion

February 7, 2013

Stuart: Time for a Choc Talk

Don Stuart Rushville Republican The Rushville Republican Thu Feb 07, 2013, 02:00 PM EST

RUSHVILLE — Seven hundred and sixty-one thousand. Can you believe that many links came back when I Googled the phrase “I hate chocolate”? 761,000?!

I couldn’t either, and upon further investigation, I found these unbelievable expressions of choco-hate:

“I hate chocolate. I don’t like the taste, the smell, or the texture. I’ll eat a Snickers bar, or some other candy bars with chocolate in them. I’ll also eat M&M’s if they have peanuts in them. I like those!”

“I hate chocolate. But I love chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and chocolate milk.”

“I hate chocolate. It’s just that when you eat some that’s really good, it’s a real bummer when there’s no more and your mouth is saying ‘Please please I need more!’”

See what I mean by unbelievable? These people DON’T hate chocolate. They crave that chocy flavor in their mouths. As most everyone does this time of year, when St. Valentine’s Day inspires people everywhere to exchange chocolate samplers the size of freight cars. Nationwide, chocolate is the second most popular gift of the holiday, just after lovingly hand-crafted scrapbooks of my columns.

For those looking for just the right chocolate (Careful! Don’t smear it on your scrapbooks!), here are some things to keep in mind:

Chocolate Science and Arts

A study published in the “Journal of Proteome Research” says that chocoholics have different bacteria in their stomachs than people who don’t crave chocolate. I’d explain more about this, but I’d have to use words like “plasma metabolic profiles,” and “urine samples” and “intestinal flora,” and I don’t want to be blamed if those things come to mind when you munch your V-Day chocolate.

I will mention that this type of research is called “nutrimetabonomics,” a sophisticated research technique that examines how science can be used to take all the fun out of eating.

Chocolate syrup was used to fake blood in the famous shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho.” Uh-oh, now I’m daydreaming of that yummy Janet Leigh covered in chocolate. . .must drive thought from mind! Intestinal flora, intestinal flora, intestinal FLORA!!

Whew, I’m better now.

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology has a student club called The Laboratory of Chocolate Science, which aims to “spread the appreciation of chocolate all over campus.” They screen movies with chocolate themes (“Psycho” is a big favorite), hold lectures, and host a chocolate tasting around Valentine’s Day. In accordance with MIT regulations, the club promises on its website to “not discriminate based on any characteristic, including a preference for dark, milk, or white chocolate.”

Chocolate events

At the Chocolate Lovers Festival in Fairfax, Va. (March 2-3), the most popular event is the Taste of Chocolate. Admission is free, but every taste will cost you a $1-apiece exchange medium called a “POG,” which stands for “Please!!! One Godiva!!!”

At the now-defunct Anaconda, Montana, Chocolate Festival, local storekeepers handed out free chocolates to all customers. Any merchants caught not giving away chocolates were fined by the town constable, with proceeds going to chocolaty. I mean, charity.

Chocolate products

Kit Kat candy bars are very popular in Japan. This is partly because the bar’s name brings to mind the Japanese phrase “kitto katsu,” which roughly translates to “You will surely win!” This has led to mass purchases of Kit Kats as a good luck charm for friends taking school examinations. However, another Japanese phrase similar to the candy’s name is “kitto katto.” This roughly translates to “You will surely miss the cut.” This has led to mass purchases of Kit Kats as a bad luck charm for enemies taking school examinations.

Here’s my Mother Goose-ian version of how the Peter Paul candy company was founded, back in 1919.

Peter Paul Halajian and Calvin K. Kazanjian

Joined Calvin’s brother Harry and two Jakes: Hagop- and Choulj- ian.

But then their friend George Shamlian

Realized they – none! – knew candyin’.

So they hired Harry Tatigian

Whose “Mounds” made them Richie Rich-ian!

If you’re in your sweetie’s doghouse this Valentine’s Day, you should extend a Chocopologie. It’s a creamy ganache with truffle oil, dusted with cocoa powder. Oh, and it costs $250. Which equates to $2,600 per pound. Amazingly, you can buy it with only one POG (Pot of Gold).

I presume Chocopologies are sinfully good, to overshadow the maker’s name: Knipschildt, which is Danish for “intestinal flora.”

Contact: TakeFiveT5@yahoo.com

Text Only

Columns

Stuart: From zippy to zapped in Old San Juan
My family’s spring break vacation didn’t last nearly as long as it’s taking me to tell you about it in these columns. If it had, our cruise would be going into its fifth week. That would be, I don’t know, like sailing with Christopher Columbus in 1492. Imagine the weight his crews put on at their shipboard buffets; no wonder those boats traveled slow!

May 18, 2013
Ward: My early years
There are a lot of things from my youth that I treasure and would not be unhappy to have them back again. Don’t laugh, but BB Bats are one thing I loved as a child. They were a taffy like substance stuck on a stick.

May 16, 2013
Barada: Local library should be a county facility
A noble effort is underway to renovate and expand the Rushville Public Library. It will not be an easy task. What will help, in my opinion, will be finally making the public library a county library.

May 14, 2013
Stuart: Snorkeling fun, in and out of the water
As I continue to relive my spring break vacation in these pages (we’re only a couple of days into it so far - this could last well into the autumn!), I’ll reveal the biggest shock my kids received on our Carnival Cruise. It was 7:30 on a sunny Tuesday morning, when I woke them and said we’d arrived in Charlotte

May 11, 2013
Ziemke: Back home again in Batesville
Following the hustle and bustle of Indianapolis, I must say that it has been nice to be home this past week. Session is an exciting process to be a part of, but for now, I am just going to enjoy the fact that I can be at my restaurant more often to talk to the folks I represent at the Statehouse.

May 10, 2013
Wolfsie: Bird calls
One afternoon in 2011, my friend Eric spent a couple of hours over lunch explaining Twitter to me and I thought I understood it all, but as you’ll see from my first few tweets, I wasn’t very confident:

May 9, 2013
Mauzy: Weddings paint a larger picture of life
The marriage of my oldest daughter was this past weekend. With great fortune, weather remained wonderful for the outside venue. More than a stroke of good luck concerning the weather, the calm and positive energies of everyone in attendance would have overcome any adversity.

May 8, 2013
Messer: Have we learned the lessons of 9/11?
September 11 was a devastating wake up call for every American. The events of that terrible day taught us that we are at war with violent Islamist extremists. If we let them, these jihadists are committed to exploiting our generosity and legal protections to further their murderous mania. The 9/11 Commission which investigated that tragedy concluded warning signs were everywhere, noting that “the system was blinking red.”

May 8, 2013
Ward: When making furniture was king
I have fond memories of Rushville when it had three lumber yard/coal yards, four railroads went through town, the city owned the electric utility and the phone company was user owned and operated. The main industry was furniture, with three large manufacturers in town.

May 7, 2013
Barada: The GOP and its next run for the White House
I’m going to make a fearless prediction this week. If the Republicans don’t get their act together soon, very soon, there will be another Democrat in the White House for the eight years following the end of the Obama Administration.

May 7, 2013
More Columns Headlines

Columns

Search Results

Discussion

Stuart: Time for a Choc Talk

Site Map

Contact Us