RUSHVILLE —
I don’t always shut the garage door when I get home. I always have three TV sets going at the same time when we sit down to dinner. I leave an inch of milk in the container so I don’t have to throw the carton away. My wife says these are bad habits. How judgmental is that? Who’s to say what a good habit is and what a bad habit is? I don’t think you can trust the people you are actually annoying to be objective about this.
After 32 years of marriage, Mary Ellen told me the other day that my whistling was driving her crazy. “How long have you felt this way?” I asked.
“Oh, just the last two or three,” she told me.
“Do I do it all the time?”
“You were doing it under your breath during the movie Les Miserables the other night, which is pretty amazing. I didn’t think a human being could cry and whistle at the same time.”
I denied this was a persistent problem and that it was really nothing more than an outward display of my always sunny disposition. But my wife was adamant. “You’ve whistled our entire marriage. When you are shaving, cleaning up in the basement, driving in the car. Most people don’t like to get up in the morning for their job. Name one other person who whistles on the way to work.”
“I can name seven. Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy ... (Nuts, I couldn’t remember all seven.)
To prove my wife was wrong, I called my sister in New York to see if there was a history of whistling in my past. “Linda, do you have any recollection of this when we were growing up?”
“Well, my friends did call our mom Whistler’s Mother.”
I asked Mary Ellen if there were any other habits she had never mentioned.
“You always bounce your right leg. It started on our honeymoon. At first I thought it was some kind of mating ritual. It hasn’t stopped for 32 years. You shake your leg when you watch TV, when you have dinner, when you read the paper, and at restaurants. Sometimes I just want to go into the garage, get a sledge hammer and crush your knee.
“Wow, you’d do that to a guy while he was whistling?”
“You make this little moaning, guttural noise in the bottom of your throat. I used to think it was kind of romantic, but you even do it when you clean out the kitty litter.”
“You open the refrigerator door and stare inside. You don’t take anything out. You don’t put anything in. And then 10 minutes later you come back and stare into it again. What are you waiting for?
“For you to go grocery shopping?”
“Dick, it would be great if you simply accepted your bad habits and worked to correct them. A few of them are probably grounds for divorce in many states, but I have come to accept them, you little leg-shaking, whistling, moaner, you. I even accept your slurping soup, drinking out of the milk carton, eating at the kitchen sink, and opening my mail.”
“Gee, if I’m that bad, why have you stayed married to me?”
“Heaven knows. You must be habit forming.”
Columns
Wolfsie: Lip service
- Columns
-
-
Stop the student loan interest rate hike
The key to a great life is a good education. But paying for a college education is tough. Many families are taking out second mortgages. Some are putting-off deserved vacations. Others are telling their kids they just can’t afford to attend the school of their choice.
-
Mauzy: Recent graduates are free to explore
Two weeks have now passed since Rush County Schools released new graduates from a state required academic curriculum.
-
Barada: The right people in key places
For the first time in years, this community has exceptionally good people in key places within organizations involved directly with helping make Rush County a better place in which to live!
-
Ward: They really were the Greatest Generation
December 7, 1941 may be the day that will live in infamy, but June 6 ,1944 surely will be the day that began the ending of the Nazi scourge in Europe.
-
Leising: Responsible state government
The 2013 legislative session came to an end recently with passage of our state’s next two-year budget. As other states struggle to find ways to balance their budgets, Indiana has passed an honestly balanced budget that maintains adequate reserves and still provides millions of dollars in tax relief.
-
Barada: Gun scare is a lot of hot air
It’s obvious that many people really believe that, somehow or other, it’s possible for the government to take their firearms away.
-
Wolfsie: Current problem
I’m a competitive person. For example, I obsess about how my lawn looks in comparison to others on my block. I noticed some bare spots recently, so I addressed the issue with a trip to a local nursery.
-
Ward: Remembering our trips to the Indy 500
Memorial Day has come and gone. The race has been run and the winner has managed to win over $2 million. The track is as closemouthed as ever about the number of spectators, but that is their business and no one else’s.
-
Stuart: Plagiarizing my mom
I usually get quite a few e-mails from readers around this time of year; dozens of messages, always with the same pointed, uh, point: “Make sure you write SOMETHING about your mom on Mother’s Day!!!” They’re all signed the same: “Love always, Mom.”
-
Barada: Fashion statements come and go
A few days ago, I was watching the first game of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals between the Indiana Pacers and the Miami Heat. Unfortunately, the Pacers lost by a single point.
- More Columns Headlines
-
Stop the student loan interest rate hike
Ex-Hit Man's Past Is a Shock to Some Neighbors
Fans: Gandofini 'Put New Jersey on the Map'
Does Future of Human Race Depend on Kansas Mine?
Reining in 'Bad News' Sports Parents
James Gandolfini Dies at Age 51
Fmr. TWA Flight 800 Investigators Want New Probe
Raw: Heat, Spurs Back on Court Ahead of Game 7
Dolce and Gabbana Convicted of Tax Evasion
Paris, Prince Depositions Used in Jackson Trial
Coiffed Cattle Get Their Close-up
In Berlin, Obama Channels Cold War Activism
Police at Patriots Tight End's Home for 2nd Day
Fed Suggests Bond Purchases Could Slow
AP: DOJ Broke Own Rules Seizing Phone Records
Raw: Baby White Rhino Debuts at Australian Zoo
Time Lapse: Rebuilding Bridge Post-collapse
Ohio Woman Accuses 3 of Holding Her Captive
Hunt for Ex-Teamster Boss Hoffa's Remains Ends
